so i was looking up things and people on myspace, and i was curious to see whether or not adam's sister deleted me from her friends on myspace. needless to say she did, but what i found along the way was much more interesting.

now i've never known adam to keep a myspace, and when we were dating it took all of my energy to have him throw one together (which i assume he deleted after we broke up), but lo and behold i found his.

huh!

he also apparently likes WoW.

huh!!

small world.

---

in other less-interesting news, i should be studying for my art history exam tomorrow. clearly i am not.

a year and six months just came up for christopher and myself. long time. long time.

my conch piercing is healing.

um..

what else

i guess nothing really. blog writing isn't nearly as exciting as it used to be. i see no point in outlining my day for people who probably won't read anything, and it's only every once in a while i go back and check on all the previous entries.

it's also when i'm looking back at all the previous entries i realize just how pathetic i really was.

and am. but i'm getting better.

i've started to go to the gym every day finally..i'm just sick of feeling the way i feel about myself all the time and i figure now's a good a time as any to start. i still have a bunch of problems with motivation to get up and do it, and worse problems with truly knowing if what i'm doing is helping or not.

oh well. nothing short of a personal trainer, a nutritionist and personal chef will get me where i need to be in the amount of time i want to do it in. i hear that for his part in "the machinist" christian bale essentially starved himself to lose a ridiculous amount of weight in 4 months. he reportedly only drank one cup of coffee and had either a can of tuna or an apple (to mix things up a bit) every day, only to finish the movie and pack on another hundred or so pounds for the first batman movie.

if only it weren't so unhealthy, i might just consider it. but then, being healthy is better than being thin i suppose..

i just wish i had a genie. i had a dream like that once, actually. the genie looked exactly like stanley tucci in the devil wears prada, and he wasn't an asshole genie like they usually are. he let me make generalizations, like one wish was how i wanted to look, and we spent like an hour or two (presumably) fixing everything i didn't like about how i looked, and that in its entirety was one wish. sweet, right? i know.

i forget what the other two were, that one just sticks out the most clearly in my mind. probably something about always being financially secure and having a bright, painless future.

---

enough musings for now, i suppose. best be off to pretend to look at art history flashcards.

♥
me

i love cuttlefish and pandas
♥

aunt sandy died yesterday.

aunt sandy's in ICU. apparently she's been having problems breathing due to the new chemo she's been on, and my uncle frank couldn't wake her up this morning..the ambulance came by this afternoon and she was admitted.
i just talked to my mom, she said that she didn't really have very much information apart from that except that she'd talked to shari, uncle frank and aunt sandy's daughter, and shari said it wasn't looking too good.
mom said she'd let me know.

..

let me tell you a little something about this year so far. my mom's been living here since last april, and my parents had been unable to sell the house by january, which was way too long of a time to be apart, so they resolved to let the house go and file for bankruptcy. then my dog scooby died. then my parents were "forced" to leave my cats behind, my very old crotchety old lady cats who don't like anyone but us, and they were given up to the humane society. they've probably been euthanized by now, as is my experience, after being scared and locked up with a bunch of other cats in conditions that i've seen animals freak out in thinking they've been abandoned. so that's great. that makes me feel incredibly guilty by itself, knowing that my cats probably didn't know what the hell was going on and were waiting in what seemed like hell for them for us to come back. that's one of those things that makes me cry at night.

ok, so then i tried to pay for something with my fsu card, only to find out that i was overdrawn $30 or so when i knew that i had like $700 in the account. turns out that my car is insured through suntrust, which is what the fsu card goes through, and since my parents don't have another account with suntrust and since they hadn't been able to meet the car payment, suntrust took it out of my account and then charged me for having to take it out of my account. so i was overdrawn. it's a good thing i got it out that day, because then they charge something ridiculous per day that you're overdrawn, although i wouldn't have been overdrawn if they hadn't charged me. but whatever.

ok, so then aunt sandy started having these problems, and we might be looking at the end here pretty soon.
what a year.
you know, i really had kind of assumed she'd be one of the people at my wedding.
now i have to blindly grasp at a strand of hope.


i'm not sure how much more i can take.

i totally had a dream last night of my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend.

that happens sometimes, though not very often, but when it happens it freaks the shit out of me and it's really really annoying.
and dumb.
and pointless. i mean what the hell, right?
she's so dumb.
and pointless.

and she spells her name like a freaking dumbass.
a dumbass 2-year old.
with learning disabilities.



in other news, my aunt sandy (as some of you may know) recently got diagnosed with lung cancer (which was pretty obvious because the woman's been smoking for like 60 years, so we all really knew it was coming, and she'd never ever ever been to the doctor, so really she was just asking for it), and they did all the chemo and radiation and stuff and all was ok. well. she started getting really weak, which could be a side effect of the chemo, and then she really started having problems breathing and all that jazz, coughing up nastiness and other wonderful happy things. she woke up in the middle of the night unable to breathe, as her lungs had filled with fluid, then they got her to the hospital and she found out she had pneumonia. sounds good, right? so she had to stop doing stuff for the cancer because of the pneumonia (even though the pneumonia was REALLY brought on as kind of a side effect of the cancer due to her weakened immune system), then she got sick again but didn't go to the doctor (as usual), and when she finally HAD to go we found out that the cancer from the lungs that we thought was gone had gone up to her brain. savvy? right. so there were like 4 lesions on her brain that found out about, and the doctors gave her some prognosis. THEN, oh, then, she got sick AGAIN and didn't do anything about it, saying that she felt some kind of a pain in her hip, come to find out the FRIGGING CANCER IS IN HER HIP AND HER BREAST AND HER BONES AND HER RIBS AND HER STOMACH AND HER LUNGS AND HER BRAIN AND HER EYEBALLS AND HER TOESIES AND AND AND

so, the moral of the story, folks, is make sure you go to the doctor whenever you're not feeling good.
♥

i have a 5-7 minute skit i have to do in french class tomorrow without the use of a script.
ghey.

that is all.
♥

oh man, there are no jobs in classics. i mean, there are some, but not many. and the school doesn't have great funding for it. and you need to be really proficient in latin and ancient greek to get accepted into the university of texas. which means i need to work my ass off.

french would give me a bunch of new career options, but after this semester i'll have 91 hours, giving me 2 MAYBE 3 semesters if i stretch it out long enough, and i need to be AT LEAST in french 4 for things to even start counting toward a french major.
i'm nervous!

also i'm fat and i don't want to be anymore and it's really a downer

i think my problem is i need to see results in like 2.8 seconds which really doesn't work..
and
i also have absolutely no idea what to do
my problem is i need a definite set schedule, something someone can tell me to do and they'll say "ok i promise you'll see results in _______months and you'll be super hot in _________months"

they should also tell me what to cook and how to go about cooking it

so basically what i'm saying is i need people to make all of my decisions for me..
which isn't really true
i just need direction


..yeah. direction.

i had no idea that livejournal got this fancy.

huh! and to think i just stumbled across this long-forgotten gem by accident.

to keep everyone posted, i'm now extremely happy, the happiest i've ever been in my entire life, and it's going to stay this way for a very long time.

as the winter holidays approach, my only thought is what a truly joyful season it will be.



.x.

it has successfully been a really long time since i've even looked at this.


it's interesting to discover truths of the past once forgotten, buried under layers and layers of subconcious until they're all but driven completely from your mind. it's quite an enlightening experience.

i learned a lot within these few short minutes that i'd completely repressed. interesting how such phenomena occur.





needless to say, i'll be on here a lot more in the coming weeks.

forever yours,
.x.

today, from about 5-6 pm, i got two tattoos.

i have poisoned, defiled my body.

and it feels wonderful. ^.^

i'm officially, wholly addicted to myspace.

facebook is getting there.



































































































i did that so you'd be angry.












































































































































































































.and i had a good time last night.

*** most of you will remember this from a while ago. i figured i'd repost it in honor of the IB seniors whose last day at fort myers high school is tomorrow. i love you guys. ***

I was just thinking about how much I'm going to miss high school and all of my friends..the inside jokes, things we always did, the teachers and people we made fun of and got accustomed to seeing in the halls..hell, even the classes and not doing homework were fun. This entire experience will be heartbreaking when it ends after four years, and all the things we would have done by then will be reduced to mere memories. Everything will be gone..friends you've known for years will leave for other schools..new lives will begin. The people you knew will be replaced and forgotten after graduation. No matter how much we want to believe it's true, and our teachers want us to believe it's true, high school cannot prepare you well enough for the world apart from public school. There's also certainly not anything the teachers can do to prepare you for the emotional impact leaving school will have.

A friend of mine graduated two years ago. Everybody at his school knew who he was - he was the guy that everyone loved. He was the anchor on the school news for a time, and everyone in the school got to see him every morning. His unique style was loved and recognized in the halls. He had his own status there, with many friends and inside jokes - like us. One day, he brought over a videotape that he'd filmed on his last day of school. He had told me stories behind a few of the things he and his closely-knit group of friends used to do and say, but watching the video made me completely feel what he had felt..I actually stepped into his life. I guess it's my empathy at work, but now when I think about his last day at school and his best friends leaving for college, I get pretty emotional. He stayed here while his friends seemingly abandoned him, leaving him clinging to the precious memories they left behind. He cried when he watched his video with me. Not loudly..it was more like a forced acceptance of the torture of time.

Time is a cruel and destructive force. Once things have been done, they're done - there's no way to undo them. You can't go back and relive great memories as much as you'd like to. We don't have that much longer to go. And no matter what, as much as I'd like it to be so, I'll never feel like I took full advantage of the friendships I had..but I can start to try.

These truly are the best days of our lives.

Cherish them.

Don't take them for granted.

My high school career now draws to a close, and I'd like to thank all of you.

Thank you for being here for me. Thank you for letting me copy (you know it's the only way I got through the years so far). Thank you for giving me a $699.28 phone bill to show you care (I really do appreciate it). Thank you for sharing your money and food in the lunch commune. Thank you for accepting me. Thank you for the memories, the laughs, the cries, the jokes..

Thank you for giving me the single best time of my life.

I will never forget you.

All my love and forever yours,

Meagan

i need more neosporin and less pasta.

:/

alright, so i got a 6-6-6 on my french oral. i wonder if mr. plappert's trying to tell me something.

in other news, i turned in my horribly short art history paper, and she really didn't say anything about it.

ooh! speaking of art history, i went to the ringling museum in sarasota on friday, and i loveditloveditloveditloveditlovedit..

..and i totally want to go back really soon. and i have to give mr. ryan his clipboard back.

for those of you who were on the bus with me, both physically and through my phone, no, i'm not fired from hot topic. i will, however, apply for the summer at barnie's so i can make my own damn cookies n cream freezers without the use of eli or red.

..

alright, for those of you who don't know, i'm a virgin, mk?

that being said, i was really annoyed on saturday when i went to the lee physician group to get checked out..i thought i might have had a urinary tract infection or something, so i went in.

after about 5 bajillion hours of waiting (i was there from 11 15 to 3 30), the nurse comes in the room and starts asking me the typical questions, height and weight, are you on medicine, etc..i said no, that i wasn't taking any other types of medicine other than vitamins and calcium pills. she asked "you're not on birth control, or..?" and i got a little miffed, and i said no a bit rudely, i think..then she said "are you sure?" and i got really miffed and said no a lot rudely.

the reason why it annoyed me is because 1) i think i would have mentioned birth control the first time, 2) i think i would have responded honestly the first time, and 3) think of what that says about today's society, that she assumed i was on it. *oh, you have a uti, which obviously means you're having sex, so i'm just going to skip asking if you're sexually active and go straight to 'are you on birth control.'*

mmmph. fucking people.

i miss certain people a whole lot. :\ jako puno.




















.o'ciardha.

it's really been kind of a long time since i last updated. figured now was as good a time as any.

myspace has pretty much ruined my life, hence the not updating.

so anyway.

last night was military ball 2006, which was great fun..the theme was phantom of the opera, so i was happy despite limited decorations. *shrug* oh well. the chicken cordon bleu was good. i was queen again this year, too! ^.^

...

i'm expecting UF to get back to me any day now..i applied for regular II decision, i think, so i find out in late march if i got in. i've been accepted everywhere else i applied, though, so i think i'm set. i'm looking heavily at UCF now, too..it might turn out to give me the best deal in the long run.

...

it's beginning to hit me now that i have only have close to 30 days left of high school.

forever.

well, i mean, unless i fail miserably between now and april 28th.

and i'm reminded of a really really long lj entry i wrote about a year ago on the subject, and i'm going to have to go back and dig it up again.

...

in other news, the rhps thing again was great fun, with a whole lot more people than last time. about twice as many, actually. i really want to have another one LIKE it during the summer before we all split up. different theme, i think.

...

i don't really have much else to say, other than amoxicillan is the bane of my existence.

"somebody shoot me while i'm happy!" - fats waller








♥
x

i wish i knew how to quit you.

*sniffle!*

former co-workers are certainly interesting.

yes indeed.

and i really want to go to that concert on march 18th. i need 50 bucks and billy to not fraternize with me there. that might be difficult.

oh well.

hi.

this is me updating.

where the fuck is the bactine?!

meagan blair carey and jacob allen cogdill.

october 29th, 2004-january 8th, 2006.

it was a lot easier than i thought. the tears had already been shed a million times in anticipation of this moment..

it was already dead. i guess i just buried it.

1 year, 2 months and 10 days.

funny - i hung on a month longer than she did. she's a saint. i should add her on myspace.

and for the first time in a long time, i feel ..








happy.